Monday, June 15, 2009
I'm Changing and You're Holding Me Back! Part 1
I'm working with a client whose particular challenge is in the area of wanting approval from her family for the healthy change she is starting to make in her work, her lifestyle and with her living arrangements. She is improving her foundation across the board and literally feeling driven to oust the old suppressive values and open her arms to embrace the wildness of her true passion and the talents she possesses in that direction (which are plentiful by the way.)
She'd love it if someone in her family would just recognize who she actually IS and all that she is going through to improve her conditions. She sighs and moans and fights and crashes into walls of grief demanding - demanding! - their understanding and approval. "Just care dammit!! Can't any single ONE of you see what I'm doing here? Is it too much to ask for your support??" But noooooooo...she is not getting support OR approval. Not at all. She is getting resistance instead! Yes folks - resistance. Selfish and self serving she is. THEIR need that she just stays put is not being met! How dare she rock the boat?
Indeedy then. Sound familiar?? Anyplace in your own life where you've wanted to have something better and needed to buck the tide?
I bet, though there are degrees. Right now my client is facing it in spades.
There are a ton of psychological resource out there for this kind of dynamic, and I encourage you to seek for it. You will find. I especially recommend the books Dance of Intimacy and Dance of Anger, both by Harriet Lerner. Oldies but goodies.
There are many insights on how you can handle the work of growing spiritually as well. I have adopted this model from a complex and ancient body of knowledge, but the simplicity is clear. Do this and you're well on your way to making sense of the territory.
Imagine yourself inside a circle of your own creation. Make the territory sacred. It is yours and yours alone.
Facing the East: Determine what you need to do to be clear.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't be mean. Give as much advance warning of your schedule as is possible. This allows others to plan accordingly. Be clear and concise about what you can and cannot do. Lots of explanation is not the point - nor is anyones agreement. Just your own clarity.
South: have courage and compassion.
Keep the love. Have courage to live your truth. You don't need to buy your way in. Do your work. Have courage with your own scale of success, budget and availability for others. Work within your own constraints and do not betray yourself in order to "look good" by anothers' measure. No need to get angry that "they won't let you" when you are on top of your own game.
West: Grow yourself.
No excuses necessary. Share your victories with those who do support your goals and give to those who can learn from you! Be the change you wish to see. Succeed in your own journey and those around you can only benefit. Use your light to be an asset in a world of fear.
North: Rest and Relax.
Appreciate your accomplishment. Your work in this area is done for now. Meditate, pray, sing, write in your journal - keep your toes in the water of life with a gentle breath in Self reliance and communion with The One.
This is your ultimate goal.
Part 2 is coming soon. Meanwhile practice being inside your circle, always moving clockwise through the Four Directions. Here you will find the light of ease.